woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
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Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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