Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
