woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
