Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
