there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
