Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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