who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
