how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
