Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
