im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
