The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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