i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
