when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
