I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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