Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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