either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
