now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
