we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
