just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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