Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
