What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
