God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
