At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
