Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
