it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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