So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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