He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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