She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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