i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
