i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
