He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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