The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
