When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"