There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
