I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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