How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.