My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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