why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Text me some of your sweat
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