My cat gives me a boner
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
