Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
bring money and cleavage
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
