I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
