Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
