this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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