so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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