Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
