Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
