so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
