erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Still dying that you shit outside
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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