I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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