she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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