It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
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Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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