Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
