I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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