I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
