It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
