Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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