she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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