omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
