Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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