Can i not drive my cunt home
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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