I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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