Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
