I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
