fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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