"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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