Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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