Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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