Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
