i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
