I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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