ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
