Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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