tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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