where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
