Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
