So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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