one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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