Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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