So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
