How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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