I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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