so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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