She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
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Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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