he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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